MyFoxChico

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A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.?

He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'?

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'?

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?

The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'?

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.?

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'?

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his *ss and let him go!'

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all,

Remember your Girlish Figures!

Walt

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS
finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says
Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that
I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a
bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He
starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks
'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on
the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could
possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream
reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his
hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,
when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in
here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it.'

If it was only that simple, Hope it brings a smile to your face......

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: ' Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes sir, I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes sir.' Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line --

This happened in a Courtroom in North Carolina................................

1.) Should I get a dog......?

Or...

2.) Should I have children?...

Something to think about !!!

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The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

Benign.............................What you be after you be eight.

Artery.............................The study of paintings.

Bacteria...........................Back door to cafeteria.

Barium.............................What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section...................A neighborhood in Rome.

CATscan............................Searching for kitty.

Cauterize..........................Made eye contact with her.

Colic..............................A sheep dog.

Coma...............................A punctuation mark.

D & C..............................Where Washington is.

Dilate.............................To live long.

Enema..............................Not a friend.

Fester.............................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula.............................A small lie.

Genital............................Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series........................World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail...........................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent...........................Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain.........................Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff......................A Doctor's cane.

Morbid.............................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates...........................Cheaper than day rates.

Node...............................I knew it.

Outpatient.........................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear..........................A fatherhood test.

Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative.....................A letter carrier.

Recovery Room......................Place to do upholstery.

Rectum.............................Damn near killed him.

Secretion..........................Hiding something.

Seizure............................Roman emperor.

Tablet.............................A small table.

Terminal Illness...................Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor..............................More than one.

Urine..............................Opposite of you're out.

Varicose...........................Near by/close by.

Hope this puts a smile on your face

Just wanted to take a minute to THANK every person

who has served in our ARMED SERVICES. Your

service to this Country has made us all safe and kept

us FREE, So from the bottom of my HEART

THANK YOU for making my life and Country what it

is.

Tom, I have been hard on you in the Past and may not agree with you on many subjects. I would like to take this time to say "THANK YOU " for your story on Dog abuse. As Co-Owner of a Dog Rescue "THANK YOU" for adopting a Dog. I hope that this becomes a Regular part of your reports. I hope you can expose at least 1-2 a month. These people need to be exposed and sent to jail.. To many times the Dog get the blame for biting and it owners like this clown that breed and abuse these poor animals. People that leave their dogs on chains are just as bad, it makes them mean and anti-social, then some kids walks up to them and gets bitten or they get lose. Its about time that a Report has had the Balls to report the FACTS.

Thanks again Tom

I'm sure those of you who aren't in the cattle business don't understand the issues here. But to those of us who's living depends on the cattle market,
selling cattle, raising the best beef possible... this is frustrating.

As far as my family, we don't eat at McDonald's much (Subway is our choice of fast food), but this will keep us from ever stopping there again, even for a drink.

The original message is from the Texas Cattle Feeders
Association

American cattle producers are very passionate about this.

McDonald's claims that there is not enough beef in the
USA to support their restaurants. Well, we know that is not so. Our opinion is they are looking to save money at our expense. The sad thing of it is that the people of the USA
are the ones who made McDonald's successful in the first place, but we are not good enough to provide beef.

We personally are no longer eating at McDonald's, which I am sure does not make an impact, but if we pass this around maybe there will be an impact felt. Please pass it
on

Just to add a note, all Americans that sell cows at a livestock auction barn had to sign a paper stating that we do NOT EVER feed our cows any part of another cow. South
Americans are not required to do this as of yet.

McDonald's has announced that they are going to start importing much of their beef from South America. The problem is that South Americans aren't under the same
regulations as American beef producers, and the regulations they have are loosely controlled.

They can spray numerous pesticides on their pastures that have been banned here at home because of residues found in the beef. They can also use various hormones and growth regulators that we can't. The American public needs to be aware of this problem and that they may be putting themselves at risk from now on by eating at good old
McDonald's.

American ranchers raise the highest quality beef in the world and this is what Americans deserve to eat. Not beef from countries where quality is loosely controlled.
Therefore, I am proposing a boycott of McDonald's until they see the light.

I'm sorry but everything is not always about the bottom line, and when it comes to jeopardizing my family's health, that is where I draw the line.

I have been a Cattle Rancher since 1969 and raise only Top Qualty Beef.

I'm sure those of you who aren't in the cattle business don't understand the issues here. But to those of us who's living depends on the cattle market,
selling cattle, raising the best beef possible... this is frustrating.

As far as my family, we don't eat at McDonald's much (Subway is our choice of fast food), but this will keep us from ever stopping there again, even for a drink.

The original message is from the Texas Cattle Feeders
Association

American cattle producers are very passionate about this.

McDonald's claims that there is not enough beef in the
USA to support their restaurants. Well, we know that is not so. Our opinion is they are looking to save money at our expense. The sad thing of it is that the people of the USA
are the ones who made McDonald's successful in the first place, but we are not good enough to provide beef.

We personally are no longer eating at McDonald's, which I am sure does not make an impact, but if we pass this around maybe there will be an impact felt. Please pass it
on

Just to add a note, all Americans that sell cows at a livestock auction barn had to sign a paper stating that we do NOT EVER feed our cows any part of another cow. South
Americans are not required to do this as of yet.

McDonald's has announced that they are going to start importing much of their beef from South America. The problem is that South Americans aren't under the same
regulations as American beef producers, and the regulations they have are loosely controlled.

They can spray numerous pesticides on their pastures that have been banned here at home because of residues found in the beef. They can also use various hormones and growth regulators that we can't. The American public needs to be aware of this problem and that they may be putting themselves at risk from now on by eating at good old
McDonald's.

American ranchers raise the highest quality beef in the world and this is what Americans deserve to eat. Not beef from countries where quality is loosely controlled.
Therefore, I am proposing a boycott of McDonald's until they see the light.

I'm sorry but everything is not always about the bottom line, and when it comes to jeopardizing my family's health, that is where I draw the line.

I have been a Cattle Rancher since 1969, I would like to think that I raise only top Qualty Beef and that is all I have in my Freezer for my Family. Buy AMERICAN !!!!

About the time our original thirteen states adopted
their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor
at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the
Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier:

A democracy is always temporary in nature; it
simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.'

A democracy will continue to exist up until the
time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public
treasury.'

From that moment on, the majority always vote for
the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury,
with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose
fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.'

'The average age of the world's greatest
civilizations from the beginning
of history, has been about 200 years'

'During those 200 years, those nations always
progressed through the
following sequence:

1. From bondage to spiritual faith;
2. From spiritual faith to great courage;
3. From courage to liberty;
4. From liberty to abundance;
5. From abundance to complacency;
6. From complacency to apathy;
7. From apathy to dependence;
8. From dependence back into bondage'

Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of
Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning
the 2000 Presidential election:

Number of States won by Democrats: 19, Republicans: 29
Square miles of land won by Democrats: 580,000,
Republicans: 2,427,000
Population of counties won by Democrats: 127 million,
Republicans: 143 million Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by
Democrats: 13.2,
Republicans: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: 'In aggregate, the map of the
territory Republican won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens
of this great country.

Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens
living in overnment-owned tenements and living off various forms
of government welfare. Olson believes the United States is now
somewhere between the 'complacency and apathy phase of Professor
Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's
population already having reached the 'governmental dependency'
phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty
million criminal invaders called illegal's and they vote, then we
can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

How Long Do We Have?

Check out what some of our boys overseas did to their helicopter.
This very special Mi-24 helicopter is presently flying in Afghanistan ,
where it is no doubt causing quite a stir.

This Paint Job would turn Heads in this Country Too

AFTER 200 years of being the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

We have lost all the ground our forefathers have made, by electing

An ILLEGAL RACIST to the office of the most Powerful Person in the World.

How is he planning on paying for all the Promises he made? We will

Soon have to share our hard earned Social Security with 12.5 million more who have not earned 1 penny of it. How is he going to pay to have ¾ of this country on welfare? Does he true believe that the money which is funding the war in IRAQ is going to fund it?? Do you think he will share the wealth with everyone, No remember he is a RACIST and not even a legal citizen of what was the GREATEST COUNTRY on Earth.

He promise Ice Cream and that was all that was heard, like a bunch of little kids, they believed that it was for everyone.. Wait your TAXS will not go down, if fact they will increase and he will only help the illegal’s

And the Blacks. He already believes he is above the law, He took money from Very Special Interest Groups in the MIDDLE EAST. We have been sold out and unless the Courts side with those who have filed LAW SUITS, WE THE PEOPLE are in for the worse 4 years in HISTORY.

GOD SAVE AMERICA and HELP US ALL for we will surely need it.

We have gone from the land of the FREE to the land of SOCIALISM

After 200 years of being the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA